During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
