somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
