Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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