i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
