Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
