I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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