now i know why i became what i already was.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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