I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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