we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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