The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
