so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
