if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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