He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize