If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
