Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
