She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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