Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize