Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I deserve this hangover.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
