did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
