Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
