Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
