y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
