The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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