I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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