Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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