Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
