my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
