Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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