So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
