Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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