I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
