Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
