whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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