Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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