He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
