As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's great music for shaving your balls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
