i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
