Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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