her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my vag is so smooth its legendary
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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