The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
