I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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