Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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