I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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