I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
