and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
