Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
