im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
