ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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