I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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