you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
