Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
