What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
