Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
