I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
