When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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