I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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