I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
