wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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