Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Quick, to the slutcave!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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