Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
