Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to stop coming to work sober
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just had sex on a roof
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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