I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Randomize
