my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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