Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
