Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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