I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
