He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
