True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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