i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
