Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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