Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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