i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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