remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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