why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
