i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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