My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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